Thursday, November 09, 2006


Copping up with deadlines is not more new to me. I have been working for almost 8yrs and I have always presented my work on time. Submit it most of the time and some minimal revisions are required. I have work with 4 different companies and work with a dozen people and companies as a freelance artist. I've met some very good clients and some to the extent of taking good care of you, instead the as your client you would treat them very special.

I love what I do, and I don't ever consider myself working. Well, I would only feel that I am working is that when I started to lose interest on what I am doing or maybe I don't like the people surrounding me or the challenge isn't that challenging ' short...I am bored.

We get into a company to get what we want and us giving them what they want from us in return. I Love where I am right now. I love the people that I am working with. But I still search for something. Not for myself...but for my family. Specially my brother, Matt Renz. I am supporting my brother to school. He too is getting good with his artwork.

For a thirteen year old, he had perfected his anatomy and slowly developing his own style in comics and he is also a fast learner. Few days ago, I've installed a 3D Max ver4 on my PC. Since I don't have time to look at it, he was the one who focused on it just last night (November 9, '06). And after reading some tutorial from the help menu, he created a street scene. No movement yet. Just detailed work of a street corner, complete with pavement, light-posts, lighted windows and almost perfect lighting. And for almost 5 hours, he had accomplished that much. This is where I think, where I am searching for some answers...


With the cost of sending him to an ordinary semi private school for 2nd level taking too much of my earning, I don't know where or how to support him on what he loved to do. I don't want his creativity & fast learning skills go to waste. A little embarrassed, but seriously… I DO NEED SOME HELP.

I want to send him to an advance computer school which caters 3D & Graphic designing but the high cost of tuitions fee's and the money just for his transport fare & food expenses would be too much. My salary is enough for the things we need in a month. And we don't even go out much.

HOW I WISH I COULD JUST SEND A LETTER TO "WISH KO LANG" >or whatever TV stationed the help or support such great kids like my brother. But...I know I just have to find ways to earn and gave him what he deserve...A GREAT EDUCATION.

For a 1st year high school, he is already looking forward on studying at University of the Philippines College of Fine Arts in Diliman (well, this one was because of me...He knows I studied there & had explained him the treatment we will get whenever he started looking for a job...) and his dream of working at PIXAR after he graduates from college. He started asking me where could be the best village to own a property and built his own house from the earnings he would get...Beat that?! Man, he already had planned his future. And I don't want to disappoint him. I hope.

Problem...I am not good in making true to my promises. Guess, that is why I had a failed marriage and bad strings of relationships. I am not that good at all with that. This kind of pressure is the one that really gets on my nerve as fast as a comet. But when it comes to my family and especially to my brother, I try not to fail and I don't want him to see me as a failure. I want to support his dreams. I want to help him be there where he wants to be 10 years from now. Graduated at U.P. and his dream working for PIXAR'S or whatever animation studio he wanted to go to. Deadline's are very different from Promises...although it both requires you to finished what you started...the difference I guess is that the later needs big amount of commitment.

How I wish I could support his dreams. I don’t want him to be like me and I don't want him to have a life like what we his three siblings have right now.

A very good friend of mine told me to “Always ask GOD to give what you DESERVE, not what you DESIRE… It’s because, your DESIRES may be few, but you DESERVE a LOT.” She could be right, but what I am desiring right now is not for myself anymore… It’s my brother’s FUTURE.


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